


Broken Mind, Broken World

by Nachura



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Ar Lasa Mala Revas, Companion Piece, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fen'Harel - Freeform, Getting more and more AU, MAJOR CANNON DIVERGENCE, Magic, Memory Loss, Modern Girl in Thedas, POV Third Person, Protective!Solas, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4851983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachura/pseuds/Nachura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas knew this had to happen eventually, knew exactly what it entailed, because he had seen it before. He needed her to forget, she had become an essential part of his plan. He did not want to see this cripple her. For months now he made a habit of pulling her from her dreams to wander the fade at his side, so that she might remain ignorant of the memories that slipped away. He thought he had prepared himself for this, it was a means to an end, but now she sat hollow and broken in his arms, trying to solve a puzzle as he snatched away the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Mind, Broken World

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece for my work Ar Lasa Mala Revas. It's Solas' POV on a future chapter, so it's kind of like a look into things to come. It's not designed to spoil anything, just drop lots of hints. I wrote this originally for Solas Fluff Friday on Tumblr and discovered that this may be as fluffy as I get with Solas... In the future I might reorganize and write several of these to read alongside of my main story. We'll see. 
> 
> Translations from fenxshiral's Project Elvhen
> 
> Dareth shiral- Used as a “farewell” means, “Safe journey”
> 
> Fenedhis- undefined common curse
> 
> Ar mi’nas’sal’ina- I have the the intense feeling of missing something or someone that is deeply important or personal. similar to Brazilian “saudade” Lit. “The knife again in my soul.”

 

“I just need to get out of here. I can’t stay cooped up like this forever.” She looked down at the floor, but smiled anyway, “Than you Solas. I’ll be fine.”

He wasn’t entirely convinced. He hadn’t let her out of his sight for several weeks and was loth to do so now, even with the inquisitor leaving for the Hissing Wastes today. They walked in silence as he escorted her out of Skyhold. It was a secret passage he had shown her when they first arrived, knowing that she liked to slip away. It had always been best that she not attract unwanted attention. He summoned his magic, dispelling the barrier that shielded her exit.

Something stirred in his chest the moment her golden eyes met his, a mixture of adoration, guilt, and the fierce need to protect the faint glow of hope she offered his dark world. He was caught off guard when she leaned in to brush a kiss against his cheek. Her easy affection had always surprised him.

“Dareth shiral.” She walked out on the snow, it was not enough, but pride restrained him from continuing, _come back to me._

“Always.” She looked over her shoulder to flash him a smile.

His barrier sprung back into place just as she slipped out of view. He hesitated before turning, knowing full well the pile of books that awaited him. He stood conflicted for a moment, then began to walk away. It was foolish and irrational to believe any danger would befall her, and yet, as he reached the end of the hall, a thought nagged at the back of his mind, _nothing was supposed to happen to Wisdom either._

 

* * *

 

 

She was difficult to track, had her pace been more of a leisurely wandering, she might have slipped away from him. Upon catching sight of her, a familiar pride swelled in his chest. He took note of how quietly she moved now, having mastered yet another of his techniques. He kept at a distance though, knowing that she desired privacy. He was only there in case something were to go awry.

He followed her twisting trail down the mountain into the thickening trees. A family of nugs danced at her heels as they were wont to do, earning one of her treasured smiles. The strange creatures had always been attracted to her kind spirit. They scattered when a ram crossed her path, the ewe trailing it pausing to tentatively approach Stephanie, nuzzling her outstretched palm. From the moment they met there was something about her. She reminded him of home. His heart ached to see her in all the grandeur of Arlathan, she deserved no less. _No. She deserved more, even, than that. She deserved the free world he had intended, not this broken thing it had become._

Looking up from his thoughts, he saw her still. Something had caught her attention and she was reaching out with her magic to find it. Suddenly, she darted through the trees, warping the Veil to speed her chase. He was at a disadvantage; she seemed to know her shifting path well. _Fenedhis!_ She was pulling away. He slowed after she vanished from sight, concentration would be needed in order to follow the signature of her magic. Her trail continued winding down the mountain, past the snow line, where the brisk summer of the Frostbacks greeted him. He was so focused on his hunt that he almost walked right into the clearing where she had stopped. She sat on her heels, legs folded beneath her, fingers brushing the top of a gravestone. He wondered what it was that drew her to this place.

“Are you going to join me, Solas?” A note of sorrow rang beneath her jovial tone. Her next words answered his unvoiced thought, “Your curiosity rolls off you in waves, how could I not notice you?”

He stepped forward to kneel beside her, slightly abashed at having been found out. He could not however, bring himself to be upset at this turn in events. She looked over to him, a halfhearted smile pulling at her features before looking back to the grave, “This stone, it’s just like my necklace.”

She pulled the iron Cross out of her shirt, confusion and longing written in her body language. It was the first gift he’d ever given her, a memento from her dreams of another world. The way her eyes lit up when Harritt showed it to her was perhaps the first happiness this world had offered her.

“What does it mean?” She looked to him for answers that he didn’t have, tears brimming in her eyes, “This place… I don’t understand. Why does it hurt? Ar mi’nas’sal’ina.”

It was exceedingly difficult for him to hide the realization uncovered by her words. There was only one conclusion to draw. He pulled her in against his chest, the only apology he would be able to offer.

Solas knew this had to happen eventually, knew exactly what it entailed, because he had seen it before. He needed her to forget, she had become an essential part of his plan. He did not want to see this cripple her. For months now he made a habit of pulling her from her dreams to wander the fade at his side, so that she might remain ignorant of the memories that slipped away. He thought he had prepared himself for this, it was a means to an end, but now she sat hollow and broken in his arms, trying to solve a puzzle as he snatched away the pieces. 

She shook a little, “I’m overreacting. It’s just some grave. I can’t even feel a spirit attached to it.” She paused as she repositioned herself, nestling her head beneath his chin, “The Veil is thin here, I’m probably just feeling echoes of the fade, reflecting the grieving of this person’s family.”

“That is a likely explanation.” Millennia of practice kept his voice level. It was best that she never realize what she had lost. They sat in silence as he held her a little while longer, pressing kisses into her hair.

“We should go back. I don’t think I like it here.” She said, pulling away from him. He helped her stand, slipping her hand into his as they walked away. Before they were out of sight, Solas glanced back at her brother’s grave; _I will be the one to protect her now._


End file.
